Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Tanner ~ "Flashback"

My Flashback
By Tanner Coffman
I was 7 yrs. old when I got my first sparkling silver, gear-shifting bike. The next morning, I went for a ride.
While I was riding with my friend Carter, and we were talking about multi-player online games when suddenly I hit a small green car. When I slammed into the car. Instantly, I let go of the handlebars. The pain arrived. It was like a bee rapidly stinging me, laughing every time. I said, “Ow!”
I didn’t exactly know what was going on, but I knew I was flying through the air. I blacked out when I hit a trash can head first. Then, pain started throwing punches, and didn’t stop.
The grouchy, dirty looking owner of the car stumbled out and started yelling at me, “ YOU DENTED MY CAR, YOU LITTLE BRAT! I’M CALLING THE POLICE!” I was terrified that I hoped back on my bike and rode out of there faster than a cheetah. When I got home, I was really still scared. I sprinted to my room, slammed the door shut, and locked myself inside. I stayed in there all day. Then around 6:00, my mom shouted, “Tanner it’s time for dinner!” My head was still aching, but I came out. It took me a second realized that the police had not arrived.
I went to the dinner table. Right when I sat down, she asked, “So, did you do anything interesting today?”
“No,” I answered, ignoring the pain and pretending nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
I still didn’t understand why that guy cared more about his car than a child getting hurt, and I don’t think I’ll be figuring that out soon.
END

5 comments:

  1. You had good ctf, cr, and funny dialog

    I liked all of your description

    I can't belive you "didn't do anything different" that day
    Tomi

    ReplyDelete
  2. I cant beleive that guy cared more about his car than you getting hurt.

    It surpprised me when you hit the car and then got launched into the trash can.

    I liked how you described the pain by saying it felt like a bee stinging you over and over again. Zeke Nelson

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your story is like an action movie with the car hitting, the flying and the trash can bumping. Wow!

    It was good when you said the pain arrived like a bee stinging you. Ouch!

    You had GREAT description.

    Good job!
    Caitlin

    ReplyDelete
  4. 1.great word choice,slammed, rapidly,and more
    2.great characters thought and feeling
    3.i would defently care about a kid more then my car if i had one.
    4.i really like your dialoge

    ReplyDelete
  5. tenzing i wrote the one above

    ReplyDelete