The most unlikely travels at an age of eight.
I looked back and saw a trail chopped through the thick underbrush. I looked forward and saw a car. I realized that we were going to crash if we kept on speeding toward each other. My heart was beating as fast as a drummer who has drank endless amounts of coffee. An ear piercing noise woke me out of my trance as I ran over the car. When I saw shredded bits of steel, I was relieved. I had expected to crash and burn.
“Whew,” I stuttered. My heartbeat was returning to the normal rate.
I slid off the beast when I looked back and saw a giant coming closer and closer. Every muscle in my body was screaming at me to run, but fear slinked down through my legs like weights. I was starting to become woozy when in the corner of my eye I saw the giant waving at me.
“You must be crazy if you think I’m coming closer!” I yelled at the giant.
The giant replied back saying “Good job Tomi, but I’m afraid you have to tell your brother that you ran over and shredded your brother's car.”
~By: Tomi ~
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1. That's a fantastic description and great suspense in your story
ReplyDelete2.I really liked that you told your story in the perspective of an eight year old: great!
3.I think that you really nailed the triangle, good description, dialouge, ctf, cr...
nice story,
adam s.
1.I liked how you used the point of view as if you were still eight.
ReplyDelete2. It was great how you discribed how you felt.
3. You have good vocab.
Julio V.
1. I was kind of thinking that you were going to crash and be SERIOUSLY injured. Boy was I wrong!
ReplyDelete2. The build up of suspense caused MY heart to beat like a drummer who drank endless amounts of coffee!
3. I really enjoyed the comparison of your parents height compared to a giant.
Clay
Tomi that was a awsome blend of suspence and humor. I really liked your story!
ReplyDeleteI can rember when i was little thinking my parents were giants!
Man, Tomi you really described that heartbeat well. I can relate that to when I had my first Red Bull. Great story-Paul Gudemann
As soon as I started the story all I wanted to do was read more.
ReplyDeleteYou showed how scared you were when you were about to run over the car.
Your story was full of action words.
~amelia
1. I liked how you made me wonder if the car was real, or a toy.
ReplyDelete2. It really stood out when you told the "giant" that it would be crazy to go any closer, and the "giants" response.
3. You had awsome action, great diologe, and it made me have a chuckle!
Fantastic job! (fabulouse!)
- Melissa