Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Braxton - "You Should have Been There!"

You Should Have Been There
By Braxton

As we skipped up to get tickets for the Alpine Slide, we noticed there was no line! “I’ve never been here when there’s no line,” I shouted excitedly to my cousin Ethan.
Running up to the stand, I thought back to the time when Ethan and I went to Disneyland, California together. I remember when we went on Space Mountain together, it was pitch black and not to mention the flashing lights all around us, and we were going rocket speed in the dark, which was awesome! Oh ya, that was the day.
“Could you stop deciding and buy the tickets already,” my other cousin’s voices penetrated into my reminiscent mind.
Finally, after many minutes of waiting, we got the tickets for the slide, not just one but two each! Sprinting down to the gate, my cousin and I were first from our family to get in line. We impatiently waited at the gate, until the guy manning it swung it open. We both thought, finally we get to go, as we leaped onto the footprints. Hitting the back of my knees, the chair forced me down onto the seat. We began our ascent.
We flew off the chair lift at the top. My cousin and I ran to our carts, grabbed them, galloped down to the slide, and sat down. Finally the attendant announced, “ You can go!” Both of us forced the throttle down. My cousin and I began to hurtle down to the bottom. It was a race, and we were neck and neck. I knew the straightaway was ahead, and I forced the throttle even further down.
Speeding past my cousin, I yelled, “ See you at the finish line!” Then I soared off the drop, landing back on the track with a thud. Being so excited I forgot about my cousin, I glanced back at Ethan and I could tell he was gaining on me, and fast.
Bending around the last stretch at full speed, excitement was rushing through my veins, grabbing at my mind, and screaming, “We’re going to win.”
Buckling under the fast speeds of the carts, the snaking slide straightened out with a hiss. I told myself, “There’s no way he’s going to beat me!” Totally ignoring the slow down sign.
Crossing the finish line, I stopped, pulling back on the throttle as hard as I could. Getting out, I looked back for my cousin. He then crossed the finish line, but he forgot to brake and slammed into the tire. This caused him to jerk forward with his car in tow. The car then crashed back to the track. Doubling over laughing we couldn’t contain our thoughts . . . or our laughter.

After the second run, our minds were full of the pleads the slide kept echoing, “One more run! Just one more.”
Our anxious thoughts built up causing us to beg to our parents, knowing they were probably going to say no. We still questioned them anyway, “The slide is calling us! Please Mom, just one more run!” Usually my mom says yes, this time though was different.
“Nope, sorry,” my mom declined.
“Pretty please with a cherry on top,” we asked again.
“I’ve already said no, and if you ask me again, you’ll never get to go again.”
“Fine,” we sighed.
Looking over at my grandma, I told my cousin, “Grandma’s even covering her mouth trying not to laugh.” (Because my grandma saw and video taped the whole thing.)
“Ya,” he chuckled.
“That was the best and funniest day two cousins could possibly have had together… other than Disneyland!” We both declared in unison.

7 comments:

  1. I have been to the Alpine Slide befor.

    When I went down with my dad, he was screaming like a girl all the way down.

    I like all the vocbulary words you used.
    AIDAN

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  2. amazing vocab like throttle, penetrated, reminiscent.
    great action it sucked me in the story.
    funny at the it said my dad screaming like girl at the bottom


    tenzing

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  3. Cool story Braxton.
    I have gone to the alpine slide.
    I like you story.
    By Danny Morales

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  4. 1. i like your flash back and how that it fit with that moment!

    2.I like your vocab like declined!

    3. I also enjoyed your personifacation or (how ever you spell it)on excitment and also that the track was calling you!

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  5. srry that was the last one was river

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  6. you had great action words and vocab.

    Your flashback was relly cool.

    It was a funny story.

    Kameron Moroneso

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  7. You had good personification and description.

    Really good vocab like penetrate, declined, and aanxious.

    It was really funny when you said your grandma was covering her mouth trying not to laugh.

    Kameron Moroneso

    ReplyDelete